Our story begins

I remember Cobain's first words like it was yesterday. It was Mother's Day 2005. It was my first mother's day with my son and I remember being so very tired. While crying in his bedroom during a diaper change, I walked past the room and heard him cry out "mama". My heart literally stopped and broke. At first we thought it was a fluke because he was so young at the time (5 mo) but he happened to say it three more times that day.

I was so proud. You see Cobain did everything early. He talked early. Got teeth early. Walked by 8 months. I, of course, was convinced I was living with a miniature genius. I guess looking back I started to feel a nagging feeling when Cobain was about 18 months. Other kids his age were using utensils and drinking from cups. I just figured since I never pushed it, it was not a big deal. His speech wasn't progressing like other kids his age. Whenever I questioned it, I was always told boys develop slower than girls; every child is different. I just allowed my feelings to be placated because I did not want to be the type of mom that pushed their child and forced them to live by arbitrary standards. At his two year check up, I asked his pediatrician again whether or not I should be worried. She told me we would wait another six months to see how he progressed.

I have never been a massively patient person. So soon after (well two months which I think was rather long for my general patience level), I called a local program that does free screening for speech and other developmental delays. I figured worst case scenario would be Cobain would have to do some speech therapy. I have plenty of friends who have children in speech therapy, so I thought, "No big deal.".

I called, filled out the paperwork and set up the appointment. I was actually kind of embarrassed because I thought I was being maybe a bit overbearing and that I should just wait. I tend to be overly cautious and was worried that I was letting my mind run away from me and wasting these people's time. In the back of my mind, I fully expected them to tell me that there was nothing to worry about and to just go forward with what I was already doing.

Cobain already was doing so much. He knew all of his letters, numbers, colors and shapes. He could count in Spanish. But yet when I filled out the paperwork and was answering questions, it seemed like the simple things were not coming along as well. I never thought about whether or not Cobain could copy a circle. Whether or not he could throw or kick a ball. Whether or not he could string beads or play with a baby doll. He was really into his trains and I figured he was going through a stage like he was with Dora and just not all that interested in other things. So I kept our appointment.